ABC - More Time

bloomingtonbirth.org

It isn't that I wish I had more time, but if I could ever have time back again, I would wish for the time when I was trying to breastfeed my sons. I didn't try long enough. I didn't have any support. The hospital pushed for formulas. I wasn't educated enough to know better.  

However, now I know better and if there is one thing that I could do over again, it would be for breastfeeding my children.

ABC - Scary Movie Memories

The Challenge posed is: "What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?"

Because I have already written a post on the most scary movie I have ever seen, and cannot possibly improve upon that post, I will give you the link for that, here.

It's an incredible story and swear to you it is ALL TRUE!!!  

Who needs movies when you've lived the life I have?!!

ABC - Halloween

When I was 6 years old, I went Trick or Treating in Berkeley, California.  My cousins, Aunties and I went around Lola Mom's neighborhood. What made it so memorable was the fact that it was DARK outside!  Back in Wisconsin, we had only gone Trick or Treating during the afternoon, so the darkness was special.

Another memorable time was when neighborhood kids wrapped up rocks and handed them out - "I got a rock."

Autumn Blog Challenges - past...

I didn't start this Autumn Blog Challenge (ABC) until Sept. 19th, so I thought I would just answer the previous prompts all in one post! Happy reading.

 

September 1 – Why have you decided to participate in the Autumn Blog Challenge (the ABC)?

I really like blogging - I love writing - I love journaling. Sometimes though, I get writer's block and need a prompt to get me through the day.

 

September 2 – What is your favorite thing about Autumn?

The color. I love the color. I'm thankful every year for my eyesight - which is hindered due to a drunk driving accident I was in as a child. I DO NOT take my eyesight for granted.

 

September 3 – What toys do you remember playing with as a child?

A doll I named Nancy, my Winnie-the-Pooh, Uncle Wiggly board game and Bonkers board game. I also had Hollie Hobbie Colorforms! They were awesome. The board was shaped like her house and then when you put a lamp behind it, the windows lit up!

 

September 4 – Have you ever met a celebrity?  If not, which one would you like to meet?

I met LeRoy Butler from the Green Bay Packers - actually I met several of the Green Bay Packers. I also met Paul Poberezny - the creator of the EAA Museum in Oshkosh, Wis.  I had the awesome blessing of meeting and talking with (and having them sign my Bible by their favorite Bible verse) the Christian band, Sidewalk Prophets!

 

September 5 – Write about a favorite play or concert you’ve attended.

The best (and my favorite) concert I attended was a Duran Duran concert in 1984.

 

September 6 – Make a list of books you want to read next year.

I'm a librarian, so there are way too many for me to list! I do want to read a Janet Evonovich book though - I haven't yet!

 

September 7 – Where were you when…?  Describe what you remember.

I don't remember - My memory has the amazing ability to block out all things traumatic. It's because of my childhood - so much trauma and dysfunction... my mind protects me with situational amnesia.

September 8 – What is your favorite, “go to” cooking recipe?

Hot dogs and rice!

 

September 9 – Who was your favorite teacher?

Mrs. Dorothy Weber from 1st grade. Ms. Ronnenberg from Creative Writing in high school. Mr. Woznicki from 9th grade English - just because he was so flippin' cute!

 

September 10 – What was your favorite subject in school?

Art, English Lit. and Creative Writing.

 

September 11 – What was your least favorite subject in school?

Accounting and Algebra - in both classes I got a D- just because I tried so hard. I should have flunked, but I did try - I even went in before and after school!!!  It just didn't click!

 

September 12 – What was your high school reunion like? If you haven’t been yet, do you plan on going?

I think I've been to 2-3 of them - the first one was alright - typically clique-y yet. The next one... a bit better and yet still the same. The third one... I went to for about 30 min. and left. I don't know if I'll attend another. I see who I want to anyway and we are all on facebook.

 

September 13 – What do you think about our current educational system?

We homeschool our children. I know that there are wonderful teachers out there - I just wish that every child could have them as their own teacher.  I'm a bit concerned about what I see in the young adults that come through the library where I'm employed...

 

September 14 – When has being right been wrong?

One of my sons told a lie - just before his birthday party. I had to discipline him... I cancelled the birthday party. He took his punishment with grace and dignity.  Discipline is right. Lies are a problem.  Then we found out from his sibling that the birthday boy didn't lie - the sibling did.  By this time the party was cancelled and there wasn't time to "re-do".  We used it as a learning experience to stand up for yourself. Say something! When there is a misunderstanding - speak up!  It was also a painful lesson for the son that told the lie - he saw what his lie could do.  It was a hard lesson for both sons and us! However, they both learned that I will keep my word when it came to following through with discipline.  We really did not have any problems (that I know of) with lying after that!

September 15 – I am a people person except for people….

... that are outspoken and angry sounding when they are "sharing" their beliefs. I wish they would just shut-up! I tend to stick up for the underdog and get angry when others are so closed minded that they can't see straight.

 

September 16 – Do you think we’ve made our lives more complicated by trying to make thing more convenient?

No, but I do think that we've poisoned our food supply.

 

September 17 – What did/do you want to be when you grew/grow up?

I had to answer this one for the SBC. In that post, I mentioned that I didn't have any dreams of what I would be when I grew up.  In about 4th grade I wanted to be an architect, but w/o any parental encouragement that one fizzled out. Then, in high school, I discovered writing. I wanted to work for a magazine agency in New York, but then I fell in love and didn't go. As much as I wanted to be in NY, I'm very happy to not be there. As much as I wanted to write for a publication, I'm very happy to be where I am. As much as I THOUGHT I wanted something else, I am so happy and content to be where I am now.

 

September 18 – What was the most profound thing to happen in your life today?

Let see, that would have been yesterday, actually! LOL Nothing profound. I had to go to the doctor due to some intestinal pain. It could be endometrioma tissues closing in on my intestines; or it could be "hot-spots" due to gluten allergy; or it could be polyps; or anything else that I don't want to think about. Future appointments are made.  However, can I please just say that on Monday, September 17th I was given notice that I will be promoted in January!!??!! YAY! I will be the new Audio/Visual Librarian in January. I will be going full-time! It will be nice to have the money to pay off my medical bills. Thank you Lord.

 

Daddys & Their Little Girls

I was at the coffee shop one night. It's a christian book store and coffee shop.  

Well, when I was there on this particular evening, I was sitting facing the storefront windows.  I happened to look up when a young man was walking in with his little girl.  She was probably about 7 years old, not much older than that.  They were holding hands and she was chatting away in the manner that I assume all little girls chat.  The young man looked down once in a while, smiling and responding with words that I could not hear.  She was all bouncy and skipping her way across the parking lot, all the while holding tight to her Daddy's hand.  He came to the traffic lane, put  his hand on her shoulder to stop her, looked both ways, took her hand again and they crossed the lane and entered the store.

He bought her a sweet drink and a coffee for himself and then they looked around a bit and left.

I was thrown back into memories and longing at the same time. Memories of a walk that I took with my Dad at a tender young age; and longing for those memories to be tender like the moment I had just witnessed.  The one walk I do remember with my Dad was not a tender moment.

So, as not to become a bitter and angry woman, I decided that I needed to really search for a good walking memory for Dad and I. I can choose to be happy and full of joy or I can choose anger.  There aren't too many memories, however, I do have a few...

Pescadero

Walking along Pescadero beach.

Shopping with him in 1995 - we were looking for a fun shirt for my newborn baby - a trinket to remember the trip later.

Walking with him, while holding his hand, to his Father's funeral.

Walking through the marsh with him when he came to visit us in our home here in Wisconsin.

Not many walks, not many at all, but these few that I do have I have decided to hang on to. I have decided to put them at the front of my memory banks.  I am happy for the little girl that I saw. Happy that she will have some young memories of happiness and togetherness with her Daddy.  I may not have had the best role models, but there are good role models out there that I can use as examples and conversation starters for my own sons.  I may not personally have had the best, but God puts people in my path, thereby showing me some of the best that is out there; and for that I am thankful.

940 Saturdays

There are approximately 940 Saturdays in the life of your child, before he or she reaches the age of 18 years.  I have 16 Saturdays left...

How did we spend all of those Saturdays?

In the early years, I was working a 9-5 job Monday thru Friday, therefore, my Saturdays consisted of laundry, shopping, cleaning and baby duty. Hubby worked some of the Saturdays in 12 hour shifts.

We bought a house and I still worked 9-5, Monday thru Friday.  My Saturdays now included laundry, shopping, cleaning, baby duty and yard work.  Hubby still had the job with 12 hours shifts.

Then baby #2 came along with bed rest. Hubby still had the job with 12 hour shifts.

A few years later we added a puppy and I was a SAHM.  Everyday felt like a Saturday!

Then I worked opposite of hubby. No more 9-5 job, but still a Monday thru Friday job. Saturday chores were done on whatever day of the week I had off.

Then we started homeschooling the boys. Saturdays became a day for chores and sleeping in.

Then we started Sunday School.  Saturdays were spent doing chores and any final preparing for left over Sunday School messages and lesson plans.

Fund raising activities happened on Saturdays.

Saturdays went thru many changes: Family Movie Night - Family Game Night - The Day We Will Celebrate Your Birthday Night - Bath Night, etc.  The daytime hours were still spent doing chores and errands.  

Saturdays were sometimes the day I did all sorts of cooking for the upcoming week.

Hubby changed jobs! No more 12 hour shifts, but sometimes Saturdays. That was alright. Our Saturday switched to Sunday afternoons!

Our Saturday/Sunday activities for several years and into the now include: Big Family Breakfasts - Family Movie Time - Family Dinner Time - Visiting Gramma and Grampa Time - Road Trip Day - Baking Day - Game Day - Disposable tableware Day(s) - Sleeping in Late Day(s) - The-day-we-will-celebrate-your-Birthday Night - Eating all the Leftovers Day - Pulling-out-the-futon-and-sofa-sleeper-and-watching-movies-all-day-and-night Nights. Anything and everything we can squeeze into the weekend we do. I try to get all the chores done before the weekend so we can just relax.

I guess we didn't really waste 924 Saturdays! We did lots and lots together. It just so happened that our "Saturday" didn't always fall on a Saturday. We took advantage of any and ALL downtime we had. So, actually, we had more than our fair share of "Saturdays"! I'm so glad we did. I treasure it all.

Days Gone and Passed...

Our laundry.

A friend came over yesterday. We've been friends for about 10 years and have seen many things come and go in our lives.  What brought about the melancholy was that our days together used to be slow and carefree. We still had laundry to do while visiting and our visiting one another did not hinder our laundry duties in one bit. We just kept folding and washing and drying and hanging.

The days were slower then. We thought they were zipping by at the time, but looking back we both agreed that those were the times of lazy afternoons. Lazy afternoons where friendships blossomed over the sandbox. Afternoons of naps and hanging out the laundry. Afternoon walks in a wagon or bike rides with a Kiddie-Trailer behind our bikes. Tiny bike helmets on tiny heads bobbing side-to-side behind us.  Roads, buildings and Legos in the sandbox. Picnics in the park for play dates.

Those were the slower days. The quiet days. The days which we savor. The days we remember with tears in our eyes.

My friend and I reminisced about those days that have gone by and have passed us in a hurry to get everything done. I am forever grateful for the time I was able to spend at home, taking care of my children with no other boss than myself. I am grateful for those days without a paycheck with my name it, for it makes me even more thankful for the ones that are coming in now with my name on them. I learned so much during that time in our lives - those times that have gone by me in a blur.  They are now in the past. They have passed me by and now reside in my memories.

A Sanctuary I Can Always Go To

I heard my first mourning dove of the season today.

It's a beautiful day. We have some very noisy wind, but the temp is 62* and the sky is a gorgeous spring-time blue and cloudless.

The house was quiet. It was just me and our zoo of 4-legged creatures.  The 4-leggeds were all sleeping. Outside the wind was blowing like only March winds can blow -- LOUD.  

Whipping everything in it's path, the wind shudders against the skin of my home.  Whistling through the window screens and rattling the exterior doors, the winds dry up my winter moistened garden beds.  The leaves are coming loose and find their way into a neighbor's yard. My wind chimes, that hang in the budding lilac tree, are made of bamboo tubes.  They are singing their hollow tune along with the noisy wind.

Amidst all of this noise, I hear the distinct, "Oo-wah-hooo, hoo-hoo" of the mourning dove.  In the rattle and shudder of the wind, the mourning dove's call is steady and gentle.  Clear and distinct, the dove doesn't sound at all flustered in the 30mph wind gusts.  His mournful song cries out and I hear it.  Amid all the noise of nature and man-made rattling, I hear the soft, gentle call of the dove.

The five notes of the mourning dove take me back to childhood memories...

Once again, I am a small child in my grandparents' yard. I am hiding amid the evergreens.  Laying down on the forest floor, I am watching the sunlight play among the branches of the evergreens.  The ground beneath me is soft with fallen brown needles.  The scent of pine sap is strong and it sticks to the tips of my fingers.

I float through my memories and I am a young girl, laying awake in my room on Juneau Street.  I am trying to fall asleep during the twilight of evening.  I lay there, awake, watching the path of headlights on my ceiling as the cars go by. I watch for such a long time, that I can tell if they are traveling East to West or West to East.

The sound of the mourning dove continues to carry me to days more recent - sort of... I am a young mother. I am tired and nap when I can - usually when the children do.  Laundry is piled high and probably needs folding, but I am a  young Mommy with sleeping babes.  I am sitting in our living room and it is filled with blankies, stuffed animals, toys and lace filtered sunlight on a wonderful summer evening. I am listening to both babes and doves, "coo-coo" as only babes and doves can coo.

Each memory is one of peace and tranquility. The song of the mourning dove was heard during those still and peaceful times of my life. The memories become a haven in my mind; a sanctuary I can always go to. Doors always unlocked, as in the days long passed, because I hold the key.

17 months to 17 years

I find it just incredible that you are 17 years old.

I swear that not too long ago, your foot was as long as my thumb. 

Your tiny round head fit in the palm of my hand. 

We swayed to the music of Sting so you could fall asleep.

Our first home was a second story apartment.  It was cozy and warm.

You were tiny enough to sleep on our chest.  You slept that way alot with your Daddy.

You were sick alot until I finally took you out of daycare.

Daddy and I worked opposite of eachother from almost day 1.

We bought our house so you could have grass and a sandbox to play in.

You were so happy and small - you "sat" on the real estate SOLD sign under a big maple tree.  Benny was there too, but we didn't know that yet.

You fit inside the laundry basket -- with laundry still in it!

We were all yours for 17 months... and then we added baby brother to keep you company.

17 months to 17 years.

Time flies when having fun - and we certainly do have loads of fun!

The next school year.

We have started our next hs'ing year.

You are a Sophomore and a Junior - 10th grade.... 11th grade.... I could hardly believe what my hand wrote. I really had to think.

It feels like just a few months ago that I took those precious Kindergarten First Day of School photos.

My heart is rejoicing and breaking all at the same time.  I am happy for you and for me. I am proud of you and me and your Dad.  I am breaking apart inside because this is a stage of my life also.  A stage that is ending.

I am also afraid of the future because I don't remember what I did before we hs'ed you. I don't remember life without reseaching and organizing fun school things!  I am afraid of the completion - of the done-ness. Afraid of the feeling of empty. I am afraid of not being useful!

What will I do with myself?

Firefly Season



Google Image Firefly



When I was a younger - about 1989, there was a firefly caught in a spider web.  My Mom and I were just coming home from Gramma Wille's.  It was dusk.  We pulled into the driveway to park and we noticed a firefly flashing away out of the corner of our eye.  Upon further inspection, we noticed that the firefly was not moving, just flashing.

That's when we realized that the firefly was caught in a spider's web by the house.  I totally freaked out.  I wanted to save the firefly, but was extremely terrified of spiders.  We went to look at the firefly and the web and noticed that the spider was coming out of hiding and heading straight towards the firefly!

I screamed, "Mom! We have to save the firefly! Kill the spider!  She tried to tell me that the spider needed to eat, that this was nature at her ugliest.  I didn't care!  Mom plucked the firefly out of the web and squished the spider with her shoe.  We took the firefly into the house. 

We found a canning jar and some grass and put the firefly into the jar.  He stayed there overnight and then the next day he looked GREAT!!!  I'm guessing that he was able to get all of the spider gunk off of his wings because he was moving just fine.  We released him the next night.

He crawled to the lip of the canning jar and stayed put for a moment.  Mom and I thought that maybe he liked us and didn't want to leave.  Then we thought maybe he was scared or thought it was a trap and we were going to be mean to him.  At any rate, he did leave the jar and flew off.  He flashed his little light right away and I knew he'd be alright.

From then on, Mom teased me about being part firefly.  We wondered every year if he came back to flash his light at us.

Well, tonight, all these years later, Rick and I were in the back gathering the damp-again-evening load of laundry.  Ricky noticed the fireflies before I did.  They were all over our heads, gently floating around.  Some landed on my hair, one landed on my arm and shoulder.  I put my hand out and under a firefly floating past me and he landed on my outstretched hand.  I wasn't the right girl for him, however, and he flew off - flashing his little light at me to say goodbye.

Ricky was totally impressed and said so over and over. I replied, "Well, you know... I am the Savior of Fireflies." and then we had to run inside because the mosquitoes were starting to feed!

April 18, 2011 - 15 years old



Strawberry Poke Cake
This cake was for the day before your birthday.
We celebrated with Great Gramma Wille.



Tyra, Ben, Rick, Matt
Our Fondu FEAST
15 different items!



Some of the yummy Fondu items.



Handsome young man at 15 years.
Got you a new MP3 player.



Goofy Boy!!!
Triple layer cinnamon cake.
Tried to make it look like a mushroom...
or something!
This cake was for at our house.
For the DAY OF your birthday.






We used to play Pooh-Sticks when you were little.

 

Winter Living in Pictures

Your Snowy Backyard Winter Wonderland
Jan. 2011

  

You at Worship
Jan. 2011





You at Worship
Jan. 2011





Awww... just how I like you both to be!
Benny, Me and Ricky
Dec. 2010



Warm Oranges ~ 1985

When I lived in California with Dad and his family, it was 1984/1985. I met Mario for the first time. I spoke with him for the first time. He was 3 years old by the time I knew about him. I think Dad tried to tell me, but my Mom never let me know. I loved Mario so much. He was so cute! Claudia had three other children, Anthony, Greg and Shauna. Me the oldest and Mario the youngest. (By-the-way, I got the orange tree photo from lovethatfeeling.com, they were very nice and said I could use it! ~ special thanks to them!~)
It was when we lived on Poplar Street in Vacaville that we had an orange tree and a lemon tree in the backyard. Claudia and I sang a song for the lemon tree. It went like this: Lemon tree, very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat. But the flowers did smell beautiful in the Pacific breeze.
Our orange tree, now that was something! That tree was taller than the ranch-style home we lived in! The oranges were bigger than softballs, but smaller than volleyballs.

I asked Claudia if we could eat them, she said we could. So, I climbed up on the picnic table and picked oranges for all of us. We ate them fresh off of the tree. They were the juiciest oranges - the sweetest and they were sun-warmed. It was wonderful! The best oranges I've ever eaten.

Here in Wisconsin, we don't get to grow orange trees, nor do we get to experience fresh oranges off of the tree that are sun-warmed. That's why I wanted to include this memory in my blog.

Bangles and Memories ~ 1974-1975

I love my bangle bracelets that jingle and ting-ting along with my movements. I love the look of several jangly bracelets on other women too. Women from India can pull off the look of 15+ bangles on one wrist. I have a friend that has the most beautiful wrists and forearms. She wears several slender bangles, thin bangles and the really thick ones that you have to put on sideways.

A young lady friend of mine makes jewelry. When she told me, I was extremely excited because now, I could actually get bracelets that fit over my wide hands. Typically, off the rack bangles don't fit over my hands. This is probably why I like the look of them on other women so much -- because I rarely find any that fit me. So when my young-jewelry-making friend told me about her business, I placed an order for three. Then, I went to a craft store and found some baubles and trinkets and gems that I wanted to have made in jingly bracelets. I placed another order. Then another...

I'm happy with the jingly ting-ting sounds that my bracelets make. My Lola Mom used to wear gold bangles on her wrists and a slender chain anklet with a tiny charm on her ankle. She would jingle and ting away while she cooked. We could hear her bangles while she puttered around the house. My favorite sound was when she was in the garden.... it was the sounds of the neighborhood, the birds, her laughter and her bangles. Tiny clink-clink and ting-ting, jingling quietly in the thick Pacific heat, under the shade of her exotic trees, plants and flowers.

Two of my Aunties also wore bangly bracelets. They usually were gold or silver. Not the fake stuff, but the real silver and gold. I clearly remember them sitting there in the Pacific heat, drinking wine out of a slender glass and their bangles clinking when they lifted the glass to their lips. The contrast of the silver and gold metal against their Pacific tanned skin was beautiful. In the background Otis Reding was probably singing: ".... sitting' in the evening sun...."

When I hear the quiet jingle of my bracelets, I sometimes think of Lola Mom and my Aunties. When I hear my bangles clink against my desk while I'm at work, I notice that sometimes little girls will look towards the sound and tell me that my bracelets are pretty. I remember being that small; looking at my Lola Mom's bracelets and telling her the same thing... and it brings me peace. I hope it does for you too!

Introduction

One of the things I'd like is for my boys to know my childhood. For them to know things about the little girl that I used to be. For them to know the time in history that I grew up in.

I want them to know me.

If you happen to stumble across this love blog, sit back and enjoy!

In order to do that, however, I've got to get the stories written down for them. This is the purpose of this blog. I want it to be a love journal of sorts for my children.