Some of Us & Me

Me & Benny

Benny

Ricky

Matt's D&D dice

Six Great Men In My Life

Pop and Baby Danny 11-2012

There are six great men in my life. These men have taught me many things. Things that are good, bad, funny, necessary and even heartbreaking, but all very worthwhile and important to the woman I am this day.

I'm only including the men that are alive. While I could include my Grandfathers and a Step-Dad, I'm not writing about them today. Today is for the living.

Me & Pop - 1970

Starting with Pop. My Pop is in the photo above. He's holding my nephew, Daniel - Danny to me and forever.  This was taken yesterday, 11.3.2012.  Pop taught me how a woman should be treated. He taught me this by not only treating me the way a woman should be treated, but by treating me the way a woman should not be treated.  He didn't do anything immoral with me - don't go there! LOL YIKES!! I'm a total Daddy's Girl, but he was young and made plenty of mistakes with parenting. I love him all the same. Pop and I have a crazy telepathic bond. I kid-you-not. Pop just knows when I need him and I never fail to call, just when he is thinking of or needing my shoulder.  I'm a smart cookie and I don't sugar coat, I know he's a rascal of all kinds, but he's my Pop.  When I have cooking questions, depending on what I'm making, I'll give him a call.  If I need someone in my corner, I call Dad. If I'm crying and heartbroken about my mother, his first wife, I call him. He is the only other person on earth (besides my Auntie) that knows her like I do. Actually, I don't think my Auntie knows her the same way Pop and I know her, but she knows LOTS. Anyway! My Pop - the first man I ever fell in love with - the only way a Daddy's Girl can fall. He'd sing me to sleep and give me butterfly kisses. When I had a nightmare, I'd go to Dad. He became Pop when he stayed with us for a while - we needed a different title for him, for the boys. Pop it is!

Matt. My hubby. He taught me that just because we argue - doesn't mean that someone has to LEAVE. That's what I learned from my parents I guess.... every time they argued, Mom would leave.  Matt taught me to stay.  You hear the phrase, "Real men don't leave."  Well, yeah, okay, but what about women? Strong women know when to stay, when to leave and when to get her "Black-Chick Swag" on and take off her earrings!! LOL "Don't make me take off my earrings!"  Matt treats me like a lady. Matt treats me with love. Matt is AWESOME!!! He loves me in my Love Language (acts of service). That means he takes out the scary, smelly garbage when it's dark and scary outside.  That means he will help me with things when I'm too tired or hurting. Take a bullet for Matt? Drink poison for him? Wash his dirty underwear? YOU BET!!!

Me & Mario - 2009

Mario. My little brother. Mario taught me all about nature vs. nurture. Mario and I, at most, have had approximately 10 months of our lives in which we have lived together.  We are so alike! It's a crazy and creepy kind of thing! I mean, I don't mind people knowing that I'm alot like my brother, but I bet he isn't so crazy about people thinking he's like a girl - even if it is his sister! LOL When Dad had Mario with Claudia. I didn't want to be with my mother, I wanted to be with Dad and my little brother. It broke my mother's heart. At the time, I'd drink poison for him. Now, I'd just SLAP it out of his hands and say, "What the FUCK are you doing!?!?!! That's POISONED for crap sake!!! Don't drink that!!" LOLOL

Rick, Mario, Benny - 2009

My sons, Rick and Ben. I knew that I would love my children, but I did not know that I would fall in love with my children. I never knew that I could love another being as much as I love my sons. I love my brother alot - and I would have taken a bullet for him. Then I had children. Before my sons were born I didn't know I could love someone even MORE than I loved Mario. Then along came Rick and Ben. I didn't know I was capable of that much love!!!  I'd take a bullet for my boys. I used to say I'd take a bullet for Mario, but now that I'm a mom, I'd just shove Mario out of the way and duck myself. LOL My boys though - I'd lay my life down for them.

Mario and Baby Danny - 2012

Then! Along comes Baby Danny. I have yet to hold him physically in my arms. It's all virtual. I'm all about Auntie tears and tons of love. How can I love one tiny little man so much without holding him in my arms??!!! Baby Danny is teaching me all about loving someone that really isn't mine, but is related. Baby Danny made me love my Sister-in-Law more than I ever dreamed I could love her. I mean, if Mario loves her, that's enough for me - I love her too. Unconditionally. It's just that now she has expanded my family. Family is everything to me. She has given me a gift - the gift of being an Auntie. I ADORE my Aunties! I never thought I'd be an Auntie. I was my parents only child until I was 13 years old.  I'm a big sister and I love Mario with everything a sister who lives 1500 miles away can give.  Now he has made me an Auntie!!

I didn't know, growing up, that I could love with such ferocity.  I didn't know I could love so unconditionally.  I didn't know I could love.  I was loved growing up. I am a loving person and always have been. I've worn my heart on my sleeve my entire life, but these six great men have stretched my heart in ways I never knew existed.

Thank you guys - I love you.

ABC - Indecent Proposal It Wasn't

When hubby proposed to me, we were on the way to a Brewer's game! He asked me to go in the glove compartment and look for a map. On top of the map was a tiny box.  I knew what it was and I knew that this is what we wanted, but I was suddenly so nervous, I skipped over the box and grabbed the map - quickly closing the glove compartment.

To which my hubby declared, "TYRALEE!!!" You go back into the glove compartment and get that out! "What?! Oh! Well, what have we here?"

I don't remember anything after that - except that I was looking at the ring during the whole game. Behind us sat three ladies... in their 60's -ish, one of them asked me if I just got my ring. When I told her yes, they were all happy for us and gave us their well-wishes.  I don't remember anything after that either!!! I'll have to have Matt post here if he remembers anything more.

I don't know who the Brewer's played that night - who won - or how I got home! I just know that I landed the guy that I wanted for a long time and he's still with me!

ABC - Best and Worst 1st Date...

My best and worst first date were one in the same. Fortunately, he married me anyway!

Hubby and I were in high school. On our first date, he took me out to eat at Rocky Rococo's  Pizza. Little did I know that Rocky's pizza would literally cause a "rapid detox" of my intestinal system! We weren't 5 min. out of the restaurant and I needed a bathroom right away. He asked if I wanted to go back to the restaurant, but I asked him to just take me home - about 5-10 more min. away.

So, he gets me home - we lived in a trailer home at the time. Please read: Very thin walled housing with no sound proofing at all. I just make it to the bathroom after a hasty - "Hi-Mom,-this-is-Matt,-I-gotta-go-to-the-bathroom,-please-say-hello!" ZOOMING past my Mom, leaving my brand-new boyfriend in the dust.  Fortunately, Mom knew to keep the radio on! LOL (Thanks, Mom.)

After I get out of the bathroom, we leave again to go who knows where and my Mom proceeds to pinch my new boyfriend in the ass on the way out the door!  Good grief! (Yeah... thanks, Mom!)

It was our first date, but he still kept coming for more!

Raising a Modern Day Knight - Pondering #5

#5 - Making Dinner a Priority

We have always made meal time a priority.

When Matt works 2nd shift, the morning meal and the mid-day meals are the big sit down meals.

When Matt works 3rd shift, the evening meal is the big sit down meal.

Sometimes we will have "Dinner & A Movie Night", whereby we sit in the living room while watching the movie.  Sometimes that actually entails LEAVING the house and really going OUT to dinner and then catching a movie. Those are fun & special treats.

Breakfast is almost always a hot meal consisting of some sort of egg dish, potatoes, hash browns, corned beef hash, rice, meat, Spam, fried onions, black beans, maybe salsa. Tuna used to be in on the list before the big earthquake in Japan, now I won't eat fish at all.  Also included could be tortillas to wrap up things. My latest discovery was Breakfast Tator Tot Casserole!! Very yums!  We used to do lots of cereal or pancakes, muffins, sweet breads, but since I've been watching what we eat and since I have to be gluten-free, pastry items don't really make the breakfast menu often. 

The best breakfasts are leftover cold pizza from Tony's Pizza or leftover Birthday cake.  Whenever there is a birthday, we eat cake for breakfast every morning until it's all gone - our crazy family tradition!

Left over cake for breakfast!

Raising a Modern Day Knight - Pondering #2

#2 - "What do you love to do with your son?" Today, ask your son what HE loves to do with YOU. Then put it on the calendar and commit to go do that.

Benjamin - "I love to hike with you in Door County."

I do too! We decided that we will be going to Door County this autumn to get in some good hiking - leaving Matt and Rick behind us on the trail, since we hike faster than they do.

Ricky - "I love to be in the kitchen with you."

I love to cook and so does Ricky. Fortunately, we love to be in there together! LOL  I taught him everything I know about baking bread and he has taken off with that. Now we are venturing into the world of gluten-free breads!

He Came When I Needed Him

I had a migraine last night. It was, by far, the worst migraine I have ever had.  It started early in the morning and just kept nagging at me all day long.  I had to work in the morning, but was done around 1p.m. By the time I got home the back of my head and neck were both involved in aggravating me.

Around 4 p.m. I told the boys, "I'm going to finish up this email and go lay down."  By 5p.m. I had my movies for the night picked out. My MP3 player was by my side, as were my cell phone, water bottle and various meds and herbal muscle relaxants.  Nothing was working.  On top of this, I had my period. It's my second day, so my bleeding is heaviest it will be - thus making me slightly anemic and very weak.

At 7p.m. I tried to move to the bathroom, but felt like I was going to fall over if I kept trying to walk. I asked my youngest if he would call his Dad and ask him to come home.  Unbeknownst to be, the phone lines in most of the plant are down due to remodeling, so we were unable to get through.  I attempt to text him, but I know he won't receive it until his 8p.m. break.  At 7:30p.m. I'm starting to feel like my head is going to explode. There was no position for my body to sit, stand or lay down without my head screaming. I feel like I'm starting to lose control and wonder just what they would do for me if I went to the hopsital.

I know enough to keep calm and to not cry. However, by this time I have tried, caffeine, Advil and muscle relaxants, water, tea, dim lighting, no lighting, no noise, everything. Nothing was working and it was only getting worse.  Crying only aggravates the pressure, so I do everything to keep calm and not cry.  However, tonight, I was losing control and the whimpering began.  I had more than I could handle. I was getting scared and I needed my hubby. I asked my oldest if he would go to the plant to try and reach my hubby.  He went and eventually, he was able to reach him.

Hubby phoned me at home to say he would see what he could do.  He arrived home shortly after that. Much to his dismay, he was greeted with severe dizziness, nauseousness and then I got a nosebleed.  My ears were ringing, my head was swimming, I felt squishy inside and jittery. Then to top things off, my undergarments were soaked with blood and I hadn't even noticed.  I could only hear the woosh-woosh of my blood pressure in my head.  He just held me and rocked me while I cried.  I felt better with my forehead and the bridge of my nose resting on his shoulder.  That was the only part of me that didn't hurt!  I was weak and couldn't hold myself up, so hubby held me up.

He has held me in the darkest moments of my life. He has been there when I called and when I cried.  For our boys, he set an example of "For Better or For Worse, In Sickness and In Health".  He missed 2 hours of work, but he was there when I needed him.

Happy Hallmark Day Honey!

He is so funny! After knowing each other for something like 30 years and going, you gotta love that there is still romance to it all!

"Happy Hallmark Day Honey!" and he hands me a piece of chocolate.

We were up late last night. Do you know how that goes?  You've spent all day - or pretty much all of it - apart. The dishes may or may not be done. The laundry has been washed and fluffed and re-fluffed, put into baskets, sorted on your bed --- only to be put back into the laundry basket(s) because now it is 11:30 p.m. and you are bone tired.  Ready for bed, lights are off and you continue to talk for hours! LOL  Well, that was us last night! Exhausted and talking thru the night. He had his MP3 player playing through the head phones. It was quiet enough in the house that I could hear what was playing.  What was playing was Say Hey, I Love You by Michael Franti and Spearhead.  So we sang that together - it happens to have a guy and a chicka singing as a duet, so we can both sing along!  After that some blues song sang, I Love You - it was during this I Love You song that I slipped into slumber, cuddled up to my sweet Hallmark guy.

Yeah, you gotta love loving someone for 30 years...

Happy Anniversary ~ He Has Stayed By My Side Thru It All

It is 21 years - and counting!

We've been dating since our Junior year of high school, however, I've loved him since 1982.  I met Matt on the playground at Jefferson school.  I was the new girl with a terrible afro haircut, beginning at the very end of the year - only 2 months to go until summer release. One day I went home and told my Mom that I found the man I was going to marry.  She replied, "The man, huh?"  I said, "Yup."  She asked me who and I told her it was Matt.  She was probably all worried that I was in love with the janitor; or that I had a crush on a teacher.

In high school EVERYONE knew I was in love with Matt! I DO mean EVERYONE! Other girls liked Matt too, but I stared them down!! They stayed away.  However, it took Matt a lot longer to realize that he liked me - I don't know WHY!! I was so obvious about it. His name was on every notebook and book cover - even written in ink on my NIKE shoes!  Creepy little girl that I was, can you stalker behavior??! When we got to 7th & 8th grade, I'd call his house to ask  him if he would be going to the school dance(s). Not even asking him if he would go WITH me, but was he going AT ALL.  Well, he didn't go and I ended up getting a kiss from a cute guy in a gorilla costume!  The worst case was when Gordy just wouldn't leave me alone - I swear that boy had the body of an octupus - 8 arms all over me! It was a challenge! One time, for a Homecoming, I asked him if he would just meet me at the school.  He said YES!!! Oh my gosh! I was a nervous wreck all night.  I say "all night", because Matt NEVER showed up!!!  He said he was in the parking lot all night, too scared to come in.  WHATEVER!!! I was stuck going 'round and round' with a guy that only wanted to get in my pants all night!  I TOTALLY let Matt know how upset I was and what I had to deal with all night long.  I don't know if he felt bad or thought it was funny, but he did say he was truly sorry.  I didn't talk to him for a long time after that.  However, finally, in our Junior year, at a basketball game, he asked me if I wanted his ring.  I was sitting with my bestie - Renae.  Matt was sitting behind Renae and I, with Greg.  When Matt asked if I wanted his ring, I was stunned! Shocked. I couldn't speak!  I turned in my seat and probably did something really stupid like GIGGLE (horrors!!), but when I heard him say to Greg, "See, she doesn't want it."  I spun around in my seat and said, "Give me that! Of course I want it!"

Up until this time another friend of mine was trying to constantly find me "A Guy"  she would introduce me to them and then later I'd say, "He's cute, but he's not my type."  Again and again, my standard answer for every guy in my life was, "He's cute, but he's not my type."  Finally, after all those years of trying, Cheryl asked me in desperation, "What IS your type?!"  I answered, "Matt."  There were even times when Cheryl told guys, "She'll think you are cute, but you aren't her type."  I'd go out with them for the evening and we'd have fun, but rarely did they get more than one date with me.  They were all very cute (HOT even!! Cheryl really did find the hotties! Woowee!), but, so very NOT my type.

Matt was a breath of fresh air for me.  I liked him all along, but he wasn't ready.  I can't blame him, I was a mess!!!  Obviously, I had dated a few other  questionable guys that wanted nothing more than to "get in my pants."  Two of them didn't want me at all - they only dated me to get closer to a friend of mine.  TWICE!!! Another guy kissed like a fish - I needed a towel when he was done kissing me.  Another guy had braces and really hurt my mouth when he kissed me.  There was the guy that my under-cover detective Step-Dad was following while we were out because that guy would do drug deals when I'd go to the bathroom!!  Said guy also had quite a few other girlfriends in other school districts.  There was the older brother of another friend - that was too weird.  I think I even went out to eat with Renae's brother, but that was too weird also - too close of friends.  Someone had a cousin; someone else had a son - was Tyra interested? No, not, really.  Only one time did Matt tell me to stay away from a guy I was dating... he asked me what I was doing with him.  I got really upset with Matt and told him that since he was clearly not interested in dating me that he should mind his own business - and I stomped away.

Finally, all the other guys filtered out of my life. It was just "Me, Myself and I" trying to find myself in the middle of the chaos called high school.  I was in a dysfunctional home. I was battling endometriosis, severe depression, suicide, crooked hips that were quite painful at times, an eating disorder, self-esteem issues, AODA meetings, meetings with guidance counselors, psychiatric counselors & social workers and repressed memories from sexual abuse, all while trying to get decent grades!  

Then there was Matt.  After that basketball game, it took Matt 4 months to kiss me or hold my hand. A guy (C.K.) that wanted to date me, gave me grief EVERYDAY about Matt not holding my hand or kissing me.  C.K. would even walk up behind me to try to get my hand into his.   He'd meet up with me in quite hallways trying to get me to kiss him. He was really very sweet about it all. C.K. was very nice - even cute! My Step-dad really liked him too, but... he wasn't my type.  I tried to hide it all from Matt and I told C.K. that it was alright with me that Matt didn't push our relationship further.  C.K. finally took the hint and left me alone.    Matt knew I had been hurt by other guys, but didn't know any details. He just knew it wasn't good.  He was quite content to just hold my hand and I was quite relaxed with him not asking me for anything more than that.  Matt never wanted to hurt me.

All these years later, I can honestly say that Matt has never hurt me.  He has always been there for me - thru all of my sickness ~ which is far more common than the health part of those vows.  He stays by my side when I know that any of those other yahoos would have left.  He stays by my side when we have to revert to those days of hand holding and cuddles only because I'm in too much pain.

I still find myself looking at him and thinking, "Wow. I can't believe I'm married to Matt."  There are also the times when we both look in the mirror and think, "Who is this person?  Where is my childhood sweetheart thru the gray hair and voluptuous figure?"  and then we remember. Then we see thru the years of living and see the person through a laugh or an old joke.

It all comes back to me and I find myself still in love with him.

Funny Puke In The Night...

Benny posts on facebook: Went to bed sick. Had a high fever and my stomach felt terrible. And of course the major head ache had to join in fun. But I'm better now

My Reply: yeah...he's all better now.....

he's up all at the wee hours and then in the morning he's all perky and I'm half dead. Matt was up all night, can't breathe. I get him all settled and breathing - then he's snoring, but at least he's sleeping.

Then back to Ben - puke warning.

Wake up Rick - screaming... "RICK!!!! You gotta puke bucket??!!!!" He's all dead to the world, but at the mere mention of puke, Rick is WIDE AWAKE!!! "Huh?!!!! NO!!, No bucket Mom!!! Sorry" and he collapses back onto the bed, again, dead to the world shortly thereafter.

I'm FLYIN' no... ZOOMING down the stairs looking for an empty ice cream bucket. They are all full of fricken christmas candy. I finally find one with pecans in it!!! YAY!!! DUMP go the pecans onto the counter! I scared the hell outta the cat, tripped over the damn living room table, scared the rats, go flyin' upstairs to give Ben the bucket.

Get back to Benny and he's laying down again like he's SLEEPING!!! I ain't having any of that!! WAKE UP!! Are you gonna puke??!!! No, not right now.... FINE!! here's your bucket honey. Put his hair in a pony so he doesn't puke in his hair and tell him: Call me if you need me.

Slept with one eye open, both ears full of SNORING and one foot on the floor.

He wakes up all kinda happy and perky and Matt and Rick are laughing at me....... I kinda wanted to smack the patients this morning!!!

Waiting for Hubby To....

Matt arriving home after errands

with Sophie Baby!

I'm waiting for hubby to get home from work.  These last 15 minutes of the day, before he gets home, are the longest of my day!  I'm anxious. I'm excited. I'm impatient.  I'm also tired!

When he gets home, sometimes we all bombard him with our attention. It can be overwhelming.  The Leo-Kitty waits patiently by the side-door for him.  Sophie Bubbles greets him with whole-body tail wagging and whining.  We usually greet him all at the same time!  Sometimes the boys are at the door or in the dining room waiting.  Sometimes I'm at the door, unlocking it for him.  He can also find me in the recliner watching a good Doctor Who episode.  Sometimes there is a light on for him.

We can have ice water waiting ~~ or a cold beer!

It is the longest 15 min. of my day waiting to hear, "Honey, I'm home!"

I'm glad he likes to come home!

Can you hear me now? What did you say??!!

We just bought Benny a new MP3 player for his birthday. I told him to open it up to make sure I bought the right one.  Upon trying to read the foreign language directions, he said, what Matt interpreted as: "Three whores and an empty dwarf."  Which was REALLY supposed to be: "...durante al menos tres horas antes del primer uso."  We have no idea really what that says specifically, just a general idea based on the English directions.

Anyway!! Benny tried. Matt said, "WHAT!!!???" Benny smacked Matt. Ricky almost chocked on his cake roll. I laughed hysterically.