At that time, my husband and I were reconciling; we had gotten my sweet Luna girl; I was a little lighter on the scale; I was living in the only home I ever had; but most importantly, I was with but if my sons. My treasures were where I wanted them. I was happy for a short 28 days after I came home.
To today, I've been living apart from one son for coming on a year; I had to re-home my sweet Luna; the only home I ever had is not where I'm living; and my husband and I have been separated for almost a year.
Almost a year ago I drank myself to sleep every night for almost 3 months. Washing down pain pills and anti anxiety medication with southern comfort.
It was a dark time.
Then I had to give my Luna girl back. Darker than dark.
Then my youngest came to live with me. Now I needed to be sober. That was easy since my doctor said my kidneys were struggling. I'm so blessed that he came to live with me. I wish they both would have....
Then I fell on ice; got sick; had a flood in my business; got my dog back; had to re-home her... again... again & one more time.... got sick again; joined a Farmer's market; 2017 Solar Eclipse; got REALLY sick; endured thru vicious gossip; had my heart broken three more times - just don't come near my heart or I will stab you! Fire at my Studio. Death ok f a nephew, I nursed my youngest son thru an emergency appendectomy; eyesight scare; nursed my older son thru the holidays; leaned on my counselor so much!!!! It was hell.
But there were good things.... Vacation, mopeds, laughter, Halloween on Main, friends, new ratties, awarded a business Grant, new products, road trips, walking in the snow, Darth Vader, summer days, curls, life long dream come true - I saw the Nutcracker!!! Holidays, hospice volunteer training; and my sons most and forever.
Daily I struggle with bitterness. Daily I tell myself to not despise 'him'. I try to not dwell on words like: rejection, bitterness, rejection, despise, rejection, porn, rejection, heartache, rejection.... I try to refocus on good words like: healing, healing, healing, breathe, laughter, love, healing, love, prayer, Reiki, healing, healing, healing, healthy, and love, love, love, and healing.
My wedding anniversary is this coming Friday. My first without him... I have to have a procedure to remove some nasty cells from my cervix this coming Friday. I will not make it through Friday sober. My sons are driving me to and from my appointment.
In the weeks to come it will be time for the paperwork. I'm sure he isn't looking forward to it either.
I don't know what else to say.... I had the world by the tail, then the death of his mother crashed our party. If only, if only....
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| Friendship that I hope will last. |
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| Luna's last day with me. |
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| Special times. |
