Back to the Philippines - Strings of the Heart

My cousin, Erik, called me this morning. He needed my email address so that he could send me photos that his brother, Karl, took.  Karl is on a special journey back to his roots.  A spiritual journey of sorts, I imagine.  I feel so loved to have been thought of, when my cousins were sharing the photos.

Karl is standing in front of Lola's birth home.

A wide street view of her birth home.

This is the rice field that Lola Mom played in as a child. Later, she hid from Japanese soldiers here during the war. Then,  Lolo Dad's Army post was set up here in this field - where Lola Mom caught his eye...

for the first time.

Mt. Pinatubo in the background (the volcano that erupted and destroyed Bacolor in 1991, the 2nd largest eruption of the 20th century)

Family in front of the Church of Bacolor, Pampanga. It was built by the Spaniards 300 years ago.

Another Family Group photo.

Karl - My Precious Pinsan on his Journey.

Filippino Foods

Pancit - foreground

Lumpia - background

I am so JEALOUS!!

In a good way though.

I love it when my cousins call me.  I love talking with Erik (and the rest of you!), whenever we talk, we pick up like we just spoke a few days earlier.  My cousin, Jason, said to me, "Talking with you, Tyra, is like going home."  I love that. It totally warms my heart and brings me peace.  I was blessed with a few precious telephone moments with Erik this morning. It totally made my day. Hell! That one telephone conversation, filled with "Cousin-Love" will carry me through the next few months! We talked health and heartache.  I asked Erik how he is faring, without Lola Mom in our physical presence. It's been almost a year for both sides of my family.  We mentioned things like not being able to delete their phone numbers off of our phones. My cousin, Mindy, has a recorded voice message on her answering machine from Grams - she can't bring herself to delete it.  I asked Erik if he felt Lola Mom since she passed, as I had felt my Grams one afternoon.  I thought that Lola Mom had come to all of us in our dreams the morning she left us, but Erik, sadly - so sadly, said she hadn't done that to him.  However, he did mention his sister's dream and how Lola was so concerned for him.  That brought him comfort that Lola WAS indeed trying to reach him before she left us completely.  I was there with Grams while she was talking to whomever it was that I couldn't see. She was telling them my name; and when Lola Mom was leaving us, she woke me up.  I can understand Erik's sadness.  Lola Mom loved us all so much - and in ways that were specifically unique to each one of us.  I am so glad that she permeated our family with love, because it's still there, filling us up - keeping us together in ways that only a modern, spread-around-the-globe-family can be connected - with strings from her heart.

He Came When I Needed Him

I had a migraine last night. It was, by far, the worst migraine I have ever had.  It started early in the morning and just kept nagging at me all day long.  I had to work in the morning, but was done around 1p.m. By the time I got home the back of my head and neck were both involved in aggravating me.

Around 4 p.m. I told the boys, "I'm going to finish up this email and go lay down."  By 5p.m. I had my movies for the night picked out. My MP3 player was by my side, as were my cell phone, water bottle and various meds and herbal muscle relaxants.  Nothing was working.  On top of this, I had my period. It's my second day, so my bleeding is heaviest it will be - thus making me slightly anemic and very weak.

At 7p.m. I tried to move to the bathroom, but felt like I was going to fall over if I kept trying to walk. I asked my youngest if he would call his Dad and ask him to come home.  Unbeknownst to be, the phone lines in most of the plant are down due to remodeling, so we were unable to get through.  I attempt to text him, but I know he won't receive it until his 8p.m. break.  At 7:30p.m. I'm starting to feel like my head is going to explode. There was no position for my body to sit, stand or lay down without my head screaming. I feel like I'm starting to lose control and wonder just what they would do for me if I went to the hopsital.

I know enough to keep calm and to not cry. However, by this time I have tried, caffeine, Advil and muscle relaxants, water, tea, dim lighting, no lighting, no noise, everything. Nothing was working and it was only getting worse.  Crying only aggravates the pressure, so I do everything to keep calm and not cry.  However, tonight, I was losing control and the whimpering began.  I had more than I could handle. I was getting scared and I needed my hubby. I asked my oldest if he would go to the plant to try and reach my hubby.  He went and eventually, he was able to reach him.

Hubby phoned me at home to say he would see what he could do.  He arrived home shortly after that. Much to his dismay, he was greeted with severe dizziness, nauseousness and then I got a nosebleed.  My ears were ringing, my head was swimming, I felt squishy inside and jittery. Then to top things off, my undergarments were soaked with blood and I hadn't even noticed.  I could only hear the woosh-woosh of my blood pressure in my head.  He just held me and rocked me while I cried.  I felt better with my forehead and the bridge of my nose resting on his shoulder.  That was the only part of me that didn't hurt!  I was weak and couldn't hold myself up, so hubby held me up.

He has held me in the darkest moments of my life. He has been there when I called and when I cried.  For our boys, he set an example of "For Better or For Worse, In Sickness and In Health".  He missed 2 hours of work, but he was there when I needed him.

Intersecting Path, the Dalai Lama and Being Human

I'm reading another book about the Dalai Lama. This one is called, My Spiritual Journey, On page 12 of his book, the section is entitled, It's time to think in human terms.  The part that spoke to me was this part: Consequently, the time has come for us to think in human terms, on a deeper level where we respectfully take into consideration the equality of others, for they are human beings like us. We must construct close relationships in mutual confidence, understanding, and support, without paying attention to differences of culture, philosophy, religion or belief.  He goes on to further explain that human beings are the same - flesh and blood and bones.  That we all have a desire to avoid pain and such; that we all want to be happy.  He says that since we ARE all humans that all the other 'categories' are secondary and unimportant.

When I read that I thought back to my post from yesterday where I was ranting about a poorly thought-out comment made by a family member.  I was thinking that this family member must think that they are on a higher level of being than we are.  That they must think that, since we are not the same, that we are somehow inferior. Or, that they must believe that hs'ing puts one at a disadvantage (socially and eventually economically) and therefore, one becomes inferior.  I then came to the conclusion that this person must only know conditional love.  That they are loved based on performance, ability, cooperation and money.  That the love language best describing this person would be gifts - monetary.  It all makes sense to me now.  This person cannot comprehend being different because this person was  told to fit in and to be like others. Further, that if this person was not like others and did not fit in, that this person was not going to receive love.  

I immediately felt pity for this family member.  This is not how we are to this person at all.  Then I wondered just what this family member has experienced in life.  Regardless, I still feel that it is important to be honest and discuss things like differences, tact, empathy and experiencing life.  I still pity this person. It makes me sad to think that the rest of the life they will experience could be shallow and lonely.

Then, I received a God-smack myself!  I work with the public and sometimes the public is quite raw.  The people that come in are sometimes very fake, but many of them are very real with very real smells, sights and sounds.  There is one person that, while I don't mind helping him, I find him irritating. I find him irritating, dirty and smelly.  That's very wrong of me.  According to the Dalai Lama's words above, I have forgotten that he (this person I described) is a human - first and foremost.  I have forgotten to treat him as an equal.  I'm sure I have my days when I stink too.  I certainly have my share of days when I am not the best example of an empathic and understanding human being. Often, there are some extremely judgmental thoughts that go through my mind.  I am ashamed of myself.  

The next section in the Dalai Lama book is about thinking of everyone as a brother or a sister.  Okay, now this really hit home to me!  I see the person I described above - the smelly, dirty one - yeah, him... I see this guy MORE than I see my half-brother. I see this person more than I see my own Mother, Father, Aunt and best friend.  I have the chance to be a good example of a human being towards this person almost everyday, and I fail EVERY DAY at being decent.  I'm not overly polite, but I am. I'm not overly kind, but I sorta am.  Sometimes, I avoid eye contact with this man, just because I don't want to have to engage in a lengthy conversation with him. No eye contact rarely stops him and there are times when I have no choice, but to help him with his lengthy request(s).  However, I am now determined to look him in the eye every time I have the opportunity to help him.

Usually, I look everyone in their eyes and say hello or goodbye, etc.  Sometimes the people I help are surprised by that and will comment. Sometimes, there are those that don't even notice because they have stopped looking people in the eye themselves.  I think the loss of eye contact is indicative of today's world.  There is a severe lack of human contact with technology. I believe that's why the above mentioned family member does not know how to adequately interact with people with tact and basic unconditional love or compassion.  There are also many people dealing with bitterness and anger.  They are hardened and synical to others and no longer have compassion in their heart. I am greatly saddened. I think that whenever someone gets overly chatty or befriending, I could politely and tactfully say something like, "I'm sorry, but I really should get back to work now." or some other relevant phrase.  Some of the people that come in are lonely and just want to talk to someone. These folks are in no rush to leave the building. Unfortunately, there is work that needs to be completed and we have to learn to juggle being polite with getting our work done.  

I am saddened by the lack of humanity, human-ness that people are enduring.  In an effort to not contribute to this pandemic, I am determined to look every human being in the eye - where politically safe to do so that is! (I think if I were in another country and looked a man in the eye, I may find myself beheaded!) I always thought that I was the type of person that did not discriminate, but I find that I do - and that's wrong. It's one thing to get a sixth sense of danger, but this is not that type of situation.  This is just treating people like I want to be treated.  Afterall, we are all just humans on intersecting paths.

When You Surpass The Education Of Your Parents

On fb, a 'poster' was shared on the lines of, "What I see, what they see" type of thing. Those are becoming pretty popular. Many of them are very funny.  There happened to be one on homeschooling. I think it's funny. However, there was a question asked, by a loved one, that I had to address.  My response follows.

"What happens when you surpass the education level of your parents?" You move on to the next level via college classes, tutors or simply by being self taught.  You find another avenue for furthering your education.  That is the goal, isn't it? To have our children SURPASS the education level of their parents.  Every parent wants their child(ren) to have a greater life than they did.  To have our children surpass our education level is a great achievement!

Calculus is NOT required to graduate nor is it required for 98% of the jobs out there nor is it required for entrance into 98% of colleges or universities. By the time calculus rolls around in a student's education - said student is almost done with their high school journey.  By the time calculus rolls around, it's time to move on to higher education.  There are college Sophomores that are just now taking Calculus. There is no time frame for learning and for higher education.

What happens when you surpass the education level of your parents? Your parents are ecstatic because they have done such a fantastic job of educating you. Your parents are ecstatic because they have done such a fantastic job educating their children that those children will ALREADY KNOW the answer to such a close minded question. 

You will know that education is not limited to a building or a curriculum.  What happens when you surpass the education level of your parents?  You get hands-on life experience from field work, from friends that happen to be professors, from anyone, from anywhere your life path travels.

When you surpass the education level of your parents you will have learned enough to love and support all of your family members in positive and loving ways.  Hopefully, you will have learned that there are millions of different ways to learn to be a self-supporting, kind, compassionate human being -- not to mention family member.  Hopefully, you will have learned how to be a supportive family member even if you don't always agree on life choices.

When you surpass the education level of your parents – and your parents are well-educated, well-rounded, intelligent, kind, honest, hard-working individuals that are not in any kind of financial or legal troubles and are not a burden on any government entity, but are the kind of people that volunteer, donate, support and care for others – I would say that you are then a well rounded individual.  That you are the wonderful type of person that this world needs more of.  I would say that you are then, the wonderful type of person that would never dream of asking such a narrow-minded and painful question because you would already know that asking such a question will hurt those that love you unconditionally.  It isn’t the answer that is important, it’s the fact that you asked in the cold manner that you did.

When my sons surpass my life's worth of knowledge and experiences - I will rejoice!

Happy Hallmark Day Honey!

He is so funny! After knowing each other for something like 30 years and going, you gotta love that there is still romance to it all!

"Happy Hallmark Day Honey!" and he hands me a piece of chocolate.

We were up late last night. Do you know how that goes?  You've spent all day - or pretty much all of it - apart. The dishes may or may not be done. The laundry has been washed and fluffed and re-fluffed, put into baskets, sorted on your bed --- only to be put back into the laundry basket(s) because now it is 11:30 p.m. and you are bone tired.  Ready for bed, lights are off and you continue to talk for hours! LOL  Well, that was us last night! Exhausted and talking thru the night. He had his MP3 player playing through the head phones. It was quiet enough in the house that I could hear what was playing.  What was playing was Say Hey, I Love You by Michael Franti and Spearhead.  So we sang that together - it happens to have a guy and a chicka singing as a duet, so we can both sing along!  After that some blues song sang, I Love You - it was during this I Love You song that I slipped into slumber, cuddled up to my sweet Hallmark guy.

Yeah, you gotta love loving someone for 30 years...