Happiness Causes Pain

In my "Anniversary happiness", I have caused another one pain. I did not intend for that to happen, but it did happen.  In my sharing of joy, another was faced with the realization of heartache. It was like salt in a wound.  I had placed a link to my Anniversary post on my facebook page, but I have since removed that link.  The happiness of others, while you, yourself are in the middle of heartache, is just to painful to see.  I care very deeply for my friends and causing them further pain is not on my agenda.  I'd rather keep silent and share my joy within the walls of my home. I'd rather silently share my joy with my husband and children.

I can totally relate and I harbor no ill feelings.  I'd rather remove something than to make a dear one suffer silently every time it is seen. I pray for the happiness of my friends.

Happy Anniversary ~ He Has Stayed By My Side Thru It All

It is 21 years - and counting!

We've been dating since our Junior year of high school, however, I've loved him since 1982.  I met Matt on the playground at Jefferson school.  I was the new girl with a terrible afro haircut, beginning at the very end of the year - only 2 months to go until summer release. One day I went home and told my Mom that I found the man I was going to marry.  She replied, "The man, huh?"  I said, "Yup."  She asked me who and I told her it was Matt.  She was probably all worried that I was in love with the janitor; or that I had a crush on a teacher.

In high school EVERYONE knew I was in love with Matt! I DO mean EVERYONE! Other girls liked Matt too, but I stared them down!! They stayed away.  However, it took Matt a lot longer to realize that he liked me - I don't know WHY!! I was so obvious about it. His name was on every notebook and book cover - even written in ink on my NIKE shoes!  Creepy little girl that I was, can you stalker behavior??! When we got to 7th & 8th grade, I'd call his house to ask  him if he would be going to the school dance(s). Not even asking him if he would go WITH me, but was he going AT ALL.  Well, he didn't go and I ended up getting a kiss from a cute guy in a gorilla costume!  The worst case was when Gordy just wouldn't leave me alone - I swear that boy had the body of an octupus - 8 arms all over me! It was a challenge! One time, for a Homecoming, I asked him if he would just meet me at the school.  He said YES!!! Oh my gosh! I was a nervous wreck all night.  I say "all night", because Matt NEVER showed up!!!  He said he was in the parking lot all night, too scared to come in.  WHATEVER!!! I was stuck going 'round and round' with a guy that only wanted to get in my pants all night!  I TOTALLY let Matt know how upset I was and what I had to deal with all night long.  I don't know if he felt bad or thought it was funny, but he did say he was truly sorry.  I didn't talk to him for a long time after that.  However, finally, in our Junior year, at a basketball game, he asked me if I wanted his ring.  I was sitting with my bestie - Renae.  Matt was sitting behind Renae and I, with Greg.  When Matt asked if I wanted his ring, I was stunned! Shocked. I couldn't speak!  I turned in my seat and probably did something really stupid like GIGGLE (horrors!!), but when I heard him say to Greg, "See, she doesn't want it."  I spun around in my seat and said, "Give me that! Of course I want it!"

Up until this time another friend of mine was trying to constantly find me "A Guy"  she would introduce me to them and then later I'd say, "He's cute, but he's not my type."  Again and again, my standard answer for every guy in my life was, "He's cute, but he's not my type."  Finally, after all those years of trying, Cheryl asked me in desperation, "What IS your type?!"  I answered, "Matt."  There were even times when Cheryl told guys, "She'll think you are cute, but you aren't her type."  I'd go out with them for the evening and we'd have fun, but rarely did they get more than one date with me.  They were all very cute (HOT even!! Cheryl really did find the hotties! Woowee!), but, so very NOT my type.

Matt was a breath of fresh air for me.  I liked him all along, but he wasn't ready.  I can't blame him, I was a mess!!!  Obviously, I had dated a few other  questionable guys that wanted nothing more than to "get in my pants."  Two of them didn't want me at all - they only dated me to get closer to a friend of mine.  TWICE!!! Another guy kissed like a fish - I needed a towel when he was done kissing me.  Another guy had braces and really hurt my mouth when he kissed me.  There was the guy that my under-cover detective Step-Dad was following while we were out because that guy would do drug deals when I'd go to the bathroom!!  Said guy also had quite a few other girlfriends in other school districts.  There was the older brother of another friend - that was too weird.  I think I even went out to eat with Renae's brother, but that was too weird also - too close of friends.  Someone had a cousin; someone else had a son - was Tyra interested? No, not, really.  Only one time did Matt tell me to stay away from a guy I was dating... he asked me what I was doing with him.  I got really upset with Matt and told him that since he was clearly not interested in dating me that he should mind his own business - and I stomped away.

Finally, all the other guys filtered out of my life. It was just "Me, Myself and I" trying to find myself in the middle of the chaos called high school.  I was in a dysfunctional home. I was battling endometriosis, severe depression, suicide, crooked hips that were quite painful at times, an eating disorder, self-esteem issues, AODA meetings, meetings with guidance counselors, psychiatric counselors & social workers and repressed memories from sexual abuse, all while trying to get decent grades!  

Then there was Matt.  After that basketball game, it took Matt 4 months to kiss me or hold my hand. A guy (C.K.) that wanted to date me, gave me grief EVERYDAY about Matt not holding my hand or kissing me.  C.K. would even walk up behind me to try to get my hand into his.   He'd meet up with me in quite hallways trying to get me to kiss him. He was really very sweet about it all. C.K. was very nice - even cute! My Step-dad really liked him too, but... he wasn't my type.  I tried to hide it all from Matt and I told C.K. that it was alright with me that Matt didn't push our relationship further.  C.K. finally took the hint and left me alone.    Matt knew I had been hurt by other guys, but didn't know any details. He just knew it wasn't good.  He was quite content to just hold my hand and I was quite relaxed with him not asking me for anything more than that.  Matt never wanted to hurt me.

All these years later, I can honestly say that Matt has never hurt me.  He has always been there for me - thru all of my sickness ~ which is far more common than the health part of those vows.  He stays by my side when I know that any of those other yahoos would have left.  He stays by my side when we have to revert to those days of hand holding and cuddles only because I'm in too much pain.

I still find myself looking at him and thinking, "Wow. I can't believe I'm married to Matt."  There are also the times when we both look in the mirror and think, "Who is this person?  Where is my childhood sweetheart thru the gray hair and voluptuous figure?"  and then we remember. Then we see thru the years of living and see the person through a laugh or an old joke.

It all comes back to me and I find myself still in love with him.

What They Messed Up The First Time....

In response to the First Born (Rick) saying that he had it 'going-on' in the looks department; Second Son (Ben) said, "What they messed up the first time, they perfected the second time."

Gotta love that Brotherly Love!!!

I am Supposed to Be....

I am Supposed to be fasting, but all I can think about are the fudge brownies waiting to be made.  The brownies and some sugar cookies. I wanted to make some sugar cookies for my wedding anniversary that is coming up (1-26th).  I want heart shaped cookies.

So, to solve my dilemma, I have decided to make the brownies AND the cookies.  Further, I have decided that it will be best to just eat them in order to get them out of the house, so that I can focus on fasting.  With the four of us, said brownies and cookies will be gone in 2-3 days.

Problem solved!

Knitting A Hat For Rick

Nice stitches!

I started to knit a hat for Rick, but I didn't like the rim, so I started over.  I tried a second time, but I didn't like the pattern, so I started over.  The third time, I liked the rim and the pattern, but it wasn't a tight enough weave for him, so I started over.  The fourth time it still wasn't a tight enough weave for him, so I started again.  I used the same pattern as I did when I made Ben's hat - Ben's hat was too big for Rick, so I made it 6 stitches smaller.  The fifth time around, I was halfway completed when I asked Rick to try it on for size.  It was too small.  I hadn't accounted for the smaller weave and smaller needles.  So, I had to start over.

I have now restarted this hat 6 times. I have to knit a few more rows before I can have him try it on for sizing again....

I'm hoping it fits this time.  Just my luck, it will be too tight of weave and the hat will be too hot for him to wear unless he is working on a ship in the Arctic Region!

Hat Mess

 Starting over

 

Our video.

I had some done, but had the sneaky suspicion that it wasn't going to fit him. So, we tentatively tried to fit it around his head, while still on the needles. It was way too small.  You may not understand much of what I'm saying thru my shrieking giggle mania, but at one point I say, "A nice neat pile, not a big ass mess." Another time, while I'm ranting I'm saying, "All my beautiful counting, counting, counting...." of course, with lots of laughter.  Laughter is extremely common in our home.

Internet Censorship

All of this makes me feel that our country is moving backwards - away from freedom.  Away from the freedom that my Grandfathers fought for.  I feel as though we are moving towards "old country Communist Russia" or "Communist China"  where the news I read is stilted and censored to what my controlling government wants me to read, but does not include the entire truth.

Censorship of the pen or keyboard must not happen!

Some of the Best Humor I've Seen...

I know that I need some laughter right now - I'm glad I stumbled upon The Secret to Humor is Surprise while perusing facebook.  Some of the photos made me laugh so hard - some just a snicker and then there are a few.... like the last photo in this entry, that make me laugh out loud when I'm not even by the computer!  I know some of us don't like the f-bomb, but that cat is funny to me. I just had to share.

Hope you find some laughter in your life today!

http://www.facebook.com/TSTHIS

Knit poster

Knitting Group Tomorrow!

I'm going to try another hat!

Phyllo Dough For The First Time

I made Apple Strudel! It's pretty yummy, but I think it will be better with a slight drizzle on top.

First unwrap the Phyllo Dough - very thin!!

Then melt the butter and gently coat each Phyllo layer with butter.

 

I forgot to photograph the apple mixture, but it's in there!

Tightly wrap each layer of apples lengthwise and coat the strudel with more butter!

Bake for 35 min. @ 350 degrees F

End results are yummy!

And so photogenic!

Ocular Migraine

It starts out small, but more like a flash-burn spot versus this blurred spot.

Here is from Wiki:

Quote:

---

It may occur as an isolated symptom without headache in acephalgic migraine. Although many variations occur, scintillating scotoma usually begins as a spot of flickering light near or in the center of the visual fields, which prevents vision within the scotoma. The scotoma area flickers, but is not dark. The scotoma then expands into one or more shimmering arcs of white or colored flashing lights. An arc of light may gradually enlarge, become more obvious, and may take the form of a definite zig-zag pattern, sometimes called a fortification spectrum, because of its resemblance to the fortifications of a castle or fort seen from above.[1] The scotoma may be bilateral or unilateral and vision beyond the borders of the expanding scotoma(s) remain normal.
The visual anomaly results from abnormal functioning of portions of the occipital cortex, at the back of the brain, not in the eyes nor any component thereof, such as the retinas.[2] This is a different disease than retinal migraine that is monocular (only one eye).[3]

The picture above resembles what I see. Mine are usually on the right side of my vision however.  Also, my auras have brightly colored flashing lines in them.  It usually starts out with a bright tiny white spot in the center of my vision - like flashburn.

My vision then gets a tiny half-football shaped, colored line graphic design in the center of my vision.  It looks similar to this picture, but always in my right eye.  It slowly grows out from the center towards the outside of my line of vision and then it goes away.

It has never been a solid football shape for me, but can you see within the squiggle lines of this art rendition that it is completely blurred?  That's what I see, but again, on the right side only.  No driving or walking for me when this happens!

 From this site:

http://www.migravent.com/blog/types-of-migraines/headaches-can-cause-blindness-4-facts-about-ocular-migraines/ 

According to the Mayo Clinic, ocular migraines (also called “retinal migraines” or “ophthalmic migraines”) are migraine headaches that cause temporary blindness or visual impairment.  Ocular migraines occur when blood vessels contract, inhibiting the flow of blood to your eyes.  An ocular migraine attack lasts around five to thirty minutes.  While generally harmless, ocular migraines can produce feelings of panic, nausea, and dizziness in migraine sufferers.

My visual impairment usually lasts for just over an hour.

I was so surprised to see these pictures on the internet. As I was laying there today I was wondering if I could draw what I was seeing - Now I don't have to!

An Irritating Woman

My turn to vent.  And I do mean VENT! It isn't pretty.  Just beware.

My son shovels snow for a woman.  This woman is one of the most irritating I know!  We no longer have the big snow blower that we did last year and have been trying to tell her all summer that he could no longer shovel the end of her driveway.  He could do the sidewalks, but not the driveway.  It gets really deep when the plow goes through and would take an incredible amount of time and energy to get the job done.  So, if she wanted, he could still do the sidewalks, but not the driveway.  Also, if she would rather hire one person to do it all, he'd understand.

We've been trying to tell her that all summer.

She then pulls the old sob story on me that her husband used to do it and she doesn't understand why my son can't.  I simply said to her, "Well, that's your husband, not mine."  I explained again that we do not have the equipment. Son also told her that he did not have the necessary equipment.

So, tonight she calls and she said to son, "I finally figured out why you can't shovel the driveway for me."  Son replies, "Oh?"  and she says, "Yes, it's because you have allergies. I don't know why your mother just didn't tell me that to begin with, but instead she was just so persistent that you couldn't do it."  further bringing in comments about how her husband could and mine can't.  What the frick ever!

First off -- can I just say one more flippin' farking fricken time - WE DO NOT HAVE THE GODDAM EQUIPMENT TO DO THE JOB!!!?? OMGosh!! For Pete's sake!! Is the woman just so impossible and what ever!@!!!! that she won't listen?

Secondly -- son does NOT have WINTER allergies!  We told her he couldn't mow for her in the summer because he had allergies.  However, I was told that one of my co-workers said to her today, "Well, doesn't Ricky have allergies?"  So, now she's all on the allergy kick.  I just KNOW, without a doubt, that she is going to broach the subject with me while I'm at work.

Third -- she also asked him to do the sidewalk, approach and driveway to a small & closed business of hers.  Son and hubby checked it out and decided that it was too much to do without a snowblower.  Okay fine.  She went through two of my co-workers trying to find a kid to do it.  Finally, she found one. However, she totally changed the job - said they just needed to do the sidewalk directly in front of the building and nothing more.  Son isn't too happy that she, once again, changed her mind - thus son loses the job.  However, I am glad that he doesn't have to do anything more for her.  I don't think an employer/employee relationship with her is a good idea.  She just WON'T LISTEN!!!

Whatever, I'm so sick of that woman! I hope to God that I don't EVER have to wait on her again, she is too irritating and I don't know what I'd say the next time she mentions my son to me.

Love Tank is Filled

Had a great breakfast with Renae today! We met up at a restaurant and had breakfast together. She wanted to take me out for my birthday --- back in December, but I couldn't fit her into my schedule until TODAY!! Terrible!  December is incredibly busy though.  Thankfully, she is a patient friend. We didn't leave the restaurant until just over 2 hours had passed!  Time flies! She had a yummy french toast with bacon and I had scrambled eggs and a double order of hashbrowns! I think Ren' drank a whole pot of coffee!

Then! I had an equally great visit with my Auntie. She hasn't been feeling well due to an infection in her leg.  I wanted to go visit her this weekend, but she was sleepy.  Since I was so close today, I popped in for a quick visit. I'm so glad I did. She's good for a good time and a good laugh.  Her IV's were hanging from the ceiling fan! It was so funny!

Then, then, then!!! I came home to a great smelling home with dishes done, supper made and school work completed!!  Hubby had a meatloaf and potatoes in the oven and lunch on the stovetop!  It was great. The house smelled incredible.

But, wait! There's More!! (think ginsu knives) Since I didn't really have anything pressing to do, we sat around and watched movies all night drinking cocoa and cuddling with the kitty-gato.  We watched some of the Band of Brothers, parts of  Twilight and now parts of You've Got Mail.  The cocoa was yums. I found a wonderful mug from Good-Will last week. It was only $.49. It's pretty too. Turquoise green, flowers and a green and yellow stripe on the top rim and a purple stripe on the bottom rim.  It isn't hand thrown, but it was made to look as if it were. Kitty-gato was cold and buried his nose into Rick's tummy and wedged himself in between Rick and the rocking chair cushy.

My new beret that I just completed!

I also finished my hat!  It will match a scarf that I made.

Sometimes we all need a day like this one ~ filled with great food, friendship, hugs, cocoa, warm blankies and love, love, love! ♥

Thanks so much everyone! My love tank is filled!